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Parent Tip of the
Month
Build Self-esteem and a Positive
Self-image
Monday, March 10, 2008
Learning about oneself while
enjoying the sport is one of the most important aspects of
swimming. The swimming environment encourages learning and fun,
helping your child to develop a positive self-image. Athletes who
find their self-worth through winning will go through tough times
when they lose, and everyone, even Michael Phelps, will lose
sometime!
It is not healthy for your child to compete only in those events
where he can “win.” When the coach enters your child in
new events, encourage him. He needs the experience of trying (and
perhaps failing) so that he can learn how to handle defeat and
develop improvement goals. He will learn that losing does not
make him a failure as a person, a big step in building
self-esteem.
It takes more that just encouragement on your part. When your
child fails, you must show the same unconditional love and approval
as when he succeeds. Don’t praise dishonestly. Children see
through that. Just show love and approval for the child, not
for his performance. Continue to encourage your child to take on
new challenges.
To learn more about being a great swim parent, visit the Parents
Section at USAswimming.org/Parents.
Ten Commandments for Swimming Parents
Ten Commandements
-
Thou shalt not impose your ambitions on thy
child.
-
Thou shalt be supportive no matter
what.
-
Thou shalt not coach your
child.
-
Thou shalt only have positive things to say at
a swimming meet.
-
Thou shalt acknowledge thy child’s
fears.
-
Thou shalt not criticize the
officials.
-
Honor thy child’s
coach.
-
Thou shalt stay on a USA team for the season
to maintain unity and team spirit.
-
Thou shalt have goals besides
winning.
-
Thou shalt not expect thy child to become an
Olympian.
Why Should My
Child Be a Swimmer? (from
usaswimming.org)
Thursday, August 02, 2007
-
Swimming is an outstanding activity for young
people.
-
Swimming promotes fitness and teaches a child
to strive for physical achievement. Many super- stars in
other sports started out as swimmers and gained strength and
coordination that helped them to
excel.
-
Swimming is an exciting individual and team
sport.
-
Swimming is a technical and specialized
activity involving extensive skill development.
-
Swimming is a healthy "lifetime" activity.
Participants may be 1 or 101 years old.
-
Swimming is relatively injury free in
comparison to other youth sports.
-
Swimming teaches the life lessons of sport and
sportsmanship which include learning to deal
with winning and losing, as well as working with officials,
teammates and coaches.
-
Swimming motivates participants to strive for
self improvement and teaches goal orientation.
-
Swimming cultivates a positive mental attitude
and high self-esteem.
-
Swimming can prevent
drowning.
Did you know?
Drowning is a leading killer of American
children.
In ethnic communities, drowning rates are nearly three times the
national average.
More than 30% of kids are at risk for obesity-related
illnesses.
Swimming is a cure.
Key Questions
While winning is nice, while setting a record, getting a best time,
or making a qualifying time feels good, we hope that our young
athletes learn more than “it is great to swim
fast”. No where
in human history or theology do we learn that the ability to swim
fast holds a very high priority in the grand scheme of the
universe. From a practical standpoint, over-emphasis on speed,
times and achievements will eventually end in frustration. No
matter how fast a young athlete swims, there will probably be
another swimmer in the next town, state, or country, swimming
faster, if not now, then next month. So as coaches and parents, ask
yourselves:
-
Did the child learn to swim with more skill
this past season so he or she is both stronger and safer in the
water?
-
Did the child learn to exhibit initiative,
wanting to come to the pool and do the practice without having to
be constantly pushed or prodded by parents and
coaches?
-
Did the child learn something about
unselfishness, sacrificing his or her personal wants for the good
of others or the team?
-
Did the child benefit from the competitive
experience, learning how to handle winning and losing in our
competitive society?
-
Did the child learn more patience in
overcoming obstacles, setbacks and problems?
-
Did the child learn
empathy?
In a few years, the medals and ribbons will be laid aside and best
times will be a hazy memory. The friendships that will develop and
the life skills learned will carry on for a lifetime.
Keep Things In Perspective
(from usaswimming.org)
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Remember which one of you is the swimmer and
do not overburden your child with pressure to win or achieve best
times. It’s a sport, it is supposed to be a pleasurable
experience for your child. Let him know that first, he is the child
you love and second, he is a swimmer. Stated another way, place the
athlete first and winning second. This doesn’t mean that
winning is unimportant; striving to win is essential to enjoyable
competition and swimming is a competitive sport! However, an
obsession with winning often produces undue pressure, resulting in
below par performances and unhappy children. We award medal and
ribbons to the winners, but that doesn’t mean that everyone
else in the race is a loser! Remember that fun and
improvement are equally important and worth striving for. Accept
both your child’s successes and failures as belonging to the
child. Neither is a reflection on you! You did not swim the race
just as you do not practice and train for the race. In a recent
study conducted in the Pacific Northwest LSC, “58% of coaches
believed that parents sometimes, often or almost always lived
through their child and defined their self-worth in terms of the
child’s success.” If swimming is important to your
child it should also be important to you. But don’t forget
that being a swimmer is only part of who your child is.
Sticking With
Swimming....What Can A Parent Do? (from
usaswimming.org)
Wednesday, August 01,
2007
The Unfortunate Path that Many Swimmers
Follow:
The swimmer’s career often starts with 8/under success and
high parental enthusiasm. The child is encouraged by parents and
others to excel and a big deal is made out of every accomplishment.
As the child changes age groups and moves into the 9/10 group, even
the most successful child may struggle because he or she has a
harder time finding success against 10 year olds. What successes
are achieved may not be as noticeable. Unfortunately, as many as
one-third of the young swimmers and their families do not make it
past this point.
By the time swimmers are 10 or 11 years old they (or their
parents) may realize that twice a week practices or summer only
swimming is not enough to compete with others who are practicing
more frequently. Physical ability and natural coordination can
still help athlete to stay competitive and have success but it is
getting harder to stay on top. More big changes and rude awakenings
are lurking in the future.
The first Big Change: From 10/under to 11 & 12
-
Events become longer going from 25’s and
50’s to 50’s and 100’s and even some 200’s
and distance freestyle events.
-
Competition changes from sprint competition to
race/pace/competition.
-
In some programs, one half of the athletes and
their families do not make this change. They never give the coaches
or the program a chance to help the athlete adapt to the changing
nature of swimming competition.
The second Big Change: From age 12 to 13&14/Senior
swimming.
-
Events change again. Now it is all 100’s
& 200’s along with 400/500 and
1000/1650.
-
The athlete must develop a work ethic
and intensify the training aspect of swimming.
-
Physical changes affect both male and female
athletes. Athletes get bigger and stronger, but many, especially
the girls, may struggle to cope with their “new
bodies.”
-
This can one of the most rewarding phases of
an athlete’s career, yet many will give
up.
The third Big Change: A focus on college swimming
-
Swimmers who remain in the sport start to look
at the possibility of swimming in college.
-
Questions arise concerning the choice of
colleges, the level of swimming, the possibilities of scholarships
and the willingness to compete and train for another four
years.
-
Let’s put these changes into
“real” numbers:
Suppose a team has 12 Novice swimmers.
-
Only 8 will remain in swimming past the first
Big Change
-
Only 4 will remain in swimming past the second
Big Change.
-
Only 2 will remain in swimming past the third
Big Change.
The Role of the Parent in Navigating the Big Changes:
Sometimes, unfortunately, it is the parents who are responsible for
their child leaving the sport. For example:
-
Parents who are former athletes, especially
former swimmers, may have unreasonably high
expectations.
-
Parents believe that they are in charge of the
athlete’s happiness and that only “winning” can
bring happiness.
-
Parents believe that early success equates
with long term success. The 8/under star will, of course, become an
Olympian.
-
Parents may not understand the need for
technical and skill development before “swimming
fast.”
-
Parents must examine their own motives. Form a
philosophy that emphasizes the process, not the outcome. Be the
guides on the “fun path” not the “victory
path.” When parents use these words, their emphasis is
misplaced:
We - Beat - Win - Fast - Lost - Try - Only – My
What Can Parents Do to
Reverse the Trend?
Parents must develop, progress and grow just as athletes do.
Experience is the key and communication is the mode. Swimmers
already have coaches, friends and teammates. They need a parent to
fill the parental role. “Coaches coach children, parents
raise children. “
Here are some of the benefits your child will garner if he or she
sticks with swimming:
Life Lessons: Only one swimmer can win the race. Does this mean
everyone else is a loser? Of course not! Swimmers need to
constantly be reminded that a top-notch effort on their part will
result in personal satisfaction and a contribution to their team.
Most USA Swimming clubs design a program of competitive training
and competition for our younger swimmers based on long term
development. Therefore, we may not stress early competitive success
with a great deal of fanfare. Remember that swimmers under the age
of 12 are very inconsistent which can be frustrating to a parent or
to the swimmers themselves. Fun and patience are the keys
here.
Leadership: In many cases, our team leaders and successful Senior
swimmers were not outstanding age group swimmers. Those who
“stick with it” often develop into outstanding leaders,
having learned patience, dedication and commitment. Steady progress
and understanding the meaning of various accomplishments will make
a motivated, well adjusted Senior swimmer.
USA Swimming clubs go to great lengths to
provide opportunities for all swimmers equally, although sometimes
it may seem that more emphasis and time is spent on Senior
swimming. An 8/under will swim no more than 45 minutes two or three
times a week, while a Senior swimmer may be in the water 18 hours
per week! Both swimmers are having their needs met as part of a
long term progression. Understanding the long term benefits and the
long term progression will help parents navigate the waters of a
swimmer’s career. If you associate “time” with
“attention”, the longer a swimmer stays with swimming
the more attention he or she will receive.
Build
Self-esteem and a Positive Self-image (from
usaswimming.org)
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Learning about oneself while enjoying the
sport is one of the most important aspects of swimming. The
swimming environment encourages learning and fun, helping your
child to develop a positive self-image. Athletes who find their
self-worth through winning will go through tough times when they
lose, and everyone, even Michael Phelps, will lose sometime! It is
not healthy for your child to compete only in those events where he
can “win.” When the coach enters your child in new
events, encourage him. He needs the experience of trying (and
perhaps failing) so that he can learn how to handle defeat and
develop improvement goals. He will learn that losing does not make
him a failure as a person, a big step in building self-esteem. It
takes more that just encouragement on your part. When your child
fails, you must show the same unconditional love and approval as
when he succeeds. Don’t praise dishonestly. Children see
through that. Just show love and approval for the child, not for
his performance. Continue to encourage your child to take on new
challenges.
Keeping
Things Balanced (from usaswimming.org)
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Some children become so involved in athletics that they neglect
studies, families and social responsibilities. Both you and your
child need to remember that swimming is only part of life.
Sometimes children overemphasize sport because their parents
do. Ask yourself if you’re giving unbalanced attention
to your child’s "swimming career." If so, slack off and
show interest in other areas of your child’s life.
Otherwise you risk giving your child the impression that swimming
is the most important thing in life. If you are overly involved in
the team or overly concerned with the outcome of your child’s
races you are not modeling the balance that your child needs to
learn. Other signs that things are out of balance:
-
You spend a lot of time talking with the coach
about practices, meets, and your child’s
development
-
Your child asks you not to come to meets or
practices
-
You require your child to take extra practice
or private lessons
-
You are the indispensable "swim team
parent"
Learn Optimal
Push (from usaswimming.org)
Monday, January 01, 2007
Interestingly, there is a positive side to the
idea of ’parental pushing’. USA Swimming research
conducted in 1996 shows that kids say parents can enhance fun in
swimming by providing a push. Be careful, however. Remember
that there is a fine line between pushing in a positive way and
pushing to the detriment of kids’ enjoyment. It seems a
slight push from parents can enhance subsequent enjoyment and, as
kids point out, is often needed. Optimal push shows love, support
and caring without applying undue pressure. A parent who encourages
a child to attend practice and who is ready, willing and able to
drive the child shows that he cares about the child’s
interest and successful development. A parent who takes a "hands
off approach" hoping to avoid pressuring the child may actually be
sending the message "I don’t care about you and your
activities!" Be there, be available, be ready, willing and able to
help. Sometimes we all need a little push to get us moving, to get
us out of bed, into the car and into the pool. We need to know that
someone cares. A child who says "do I have to go to swim practice?"
may be very happy to have you make the decision by saying "yes." He
may just want to see if you care.
Help Your
Child Set Performance Goals (from
usaswimming.org)
Friday, December 01,
2006
Make sure that the goals are the
swimmer’s goals, not your personal goals. Avoid statements
like "I want you to do this," or "I think you can do that." Second,
make sure that the goals are compatible with instruction given by
the coach. Finally, focus on performance rather than outcome goals.
Performance goals emphasize skill improvement. Outcome goals
emphasize winning or time achievement and place undue pressure on
the athlete. Examples of performance goals are completing each race
legally or maintaining a breathing pattern. Achieving performance
goals is one sure way to measure skill improvement.
Let the Coach
Do the Coaching (from usaswimming.org)
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
When parents take on the roles and responsibility of the coach, it
takes away from the fun in swimming. Critiquing races, offering
suggestions on what went wrong or how to improve, and placing
expectations on performance are examples of things parents do that
tend to decrease the kids’ enjoyment. You must trust the
coach to guide your child’s sports experience and you must be
able to accept the coach’s authority. Not only will your
instruction and criticism diminish your child’s enjoyment, it
might also confuse the child, leaving him to wonder who he should
listen to or who is giving the correct advice. The coach-athlete
bond can be a very strong one. Some of the admiration and respect
once directed solely to you now must be shared with the
coach. Provide support and resist the urge to compete with
the coach! Respect the coach and do not criticize the coach in
front of your child. If you have serious concerns about the
instruction or advice your child is receiving, make an appointment
to speak to the coach privately to discuss your
concerns.
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