News
For
SWIM
PARENTS
Published by The American
Swimming Coaches Association
5101 NW 21 Ave., Suite 200
Fort Lauderdale FL 33309
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On Praising Your Children
How often do you think about the amount of and type of praise you offer your
child? The wrong kind of praise, or praise used too frequently or
infrequently can cause difficulties. Sometimes we think that it is not
possible to over praise a child because constant praise will build a child's
self esteem. However, there is a real world for the child outside of the
home and a child's peers may not always be as praise giving as his or her
parents. Other children are usually quite truthful and blunt about the
feats of their peers. A child constantly praised at home may feel
themselves placed on a pedestal only to be knocked off outside the home.
In a recent article in "Parents Magazine", educational consultant Fredelle
Maynard listed the dos and don'ts of praise. First the don'ts:
[We’ve added swimming appropriate examples.]
- Don't praise by comparison ("You're the best swimmer on the team"). It
may encourage unnecessary competition or fear of failing next time.
- Don't praise constantly. If everything a child does is terrific,
wonderful, the best, you will run out of superlatives and the child will become
blasé about applause.
- Don't praise indiscriminately. Children who are veteran meet swimmers
know when a swim is good or bad. Parental ecstasies over mediocre
performance can either make children cynical or cause them to feel like frauds.
- Don't praise so extravagantly that children feel pressure to go on shining.
Over enthusiastic applause destroys a good motive for activity (to please
oneself) and substitutes a poor one (to please parents).
- Don't use sarcastic or "backhanded" praise. "Well, you did all flip
turns for a change." "You touched with two hands! I can't believe
it."
The best praise to use is
encouragement. Encouragement
helps build a child's confidence and autonomy while improper praise can be more
manipulative, emphasizing what the adult wants. Encouragement allows the
child to "own" their accomplishments and to find within themselves the strength
and desire to do their best. The following are Maynard's dos:
- Do be specific. Instead of using words that evaluate ("What a great
swim"), describe in concrete terms what you see: "You kept your elbows
nice and high during that swim."
- Do describe the behavior and its consequences. For example, "Thanks for
getting dressed and out of the locker room so quickly. Now we have more
time to go shopping for the new goggles you need."
- Do focus on the child's effort, not the product. "You practiced hard for
this swim meet and it really paid off."
- Do point out how your child has progressed. "A 200 IM! You couldn't have
done that last year!"
- Do give control back to the child. Let the child do the evaluating.
Rather than say, "I'm so proud of you," say, "You must feel good that you did
all backstroke turns." Try simply asking, “How do you feel about your
swim?” and respond accordingly – giving encouragement when they feel
disappointed (but never false praise), and joining them in their enthusiasm if
they feel really happy.
Consider giving praise at different levels. “That looked like a better
swim.” “I thought that was a good job, what do you think?” “That was
your best job so far!” Better, good, best. Avoid over using such
superlatives as “Perfect,” “Great,” “Excellent” which leave little room for
improvement.
To sum it all up, catch them doing things right and set them up for continued
improvements.