News For
SWIM PARENTS
Published by The American Swimming Coaches Association
5101 NW 21 Ave., Suite 200
Fort Lauderdale FL 33309
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Key To Goal Setting: Parent Support
The goal
of goal setting with young swimmers is to learn how to set goals. With 10
and unders it is important that they are successful at achieving the goals that
the coach and parents help them set.
However,
part of learning how to set goals, and also a part of growing up, is an
occasional failure at achieving a goal. Failing to meet a goal can have
disastrous effects, or, can be part of a healthy growing experience, depending
on the support of parents and coach. While it is probably not a good idea
to allow 10 and unders to set goals that they probably cannot reach, with 11 and
12 year olds, one approach is to give them more freedom in selecting goals thus
allowing them an occasional "opportunity to fail".
When
properly guided, a young person who fails to achieve a goal can learn that
success is often built upon failure. What would be the parent, coach,
swimmer relationship for goal setting for 11 - 12's? For parents this can
be a very challenging time. These young people are beginning to experiment
with independence. You may find that your influence does not have the
immediate impact that you are accustomed. When suggesting goals to your
young swimmer, regardless of how appropriate the goals are, you are likely to
find some resistance. However, the emotional support a young swimmer needs
at this age from you is as great as ever. While the swimmer may not want
to hear your suggestions for what to do in the pool, they sure need your support
for what they are attempting to do, and sometimes fail to do.
Here are
some questions you might ask your goal setting young swimmer.
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Have you and Coach Andersen talked about your goals for the season?
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What are the goals you have decided on?
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Did you write them down?
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What did Coach Andersen say you needed to work on in order to reach your goals?
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Did you get any closer to your goals today?
The coach
begins to take on a more influential role in the swimming development of the
young swimmer at this time. Swimmers sometimes think, eat, breath, sleep,
and swim according to the direction of the coach and they may respond better to
suggestions made by the coach than those made by you. For example, you may
be trying to improve the nutritional aspects of your young swimmer's breakfast
only to find a typical bit of standard 11 and 12 resistance. However, when
the coach suggest the exact same advice to your swimmer he is ready to change
his breakfast routine the next day. For this reason, plus the fact that the
coach best knows the swimming abilities of your child, the primary influence in
goal setting for 11 - 12's is the coach.
The coach
acts as a guide, asking your swimmer appropriate questions to help him decide on
goals. When your child has a goal in mind and is convinced he can achieve
that goal, coaches (and parents) should accept it as a goal even if it seems too
ambitious.
What
happens when he fails to meet the goal? From you, he needs unconditional
support and careful guidance.
Let's
consider a situation where 12 year old Bobby has a best time of 1:07.5 in the
100 free, a "B" time. He has several "B" times in other strokes but no "A"
times. His coach feels that a good goal for Bobby would be to make an "A"
time in the 100 free, 1:03.19. However, Bobby has set his own goal of
breaking a minute in the 100 free in the final "B" meet of the season. He
knows if he breaks a minute he will qualify for the Junior Olympics and gain a
spot on the relay. Contributing to Bobby's desire to qualify for Junior
Olympics this season is the fact that he turns 13 shortly after the meet and he
knows it will take a 55.3 to qualify for the next Junior Olympics as a 13 - 14
year old. Bobby also set three other goals which fall within the coaches
expectations so the coach allows Bobby this "opportunity to fail".
During
the season, Bobby makes steady progress as he drops his time in the 100 free to
1:04.0 and he is still hoping to break a minute. At the final "B" meet he
goes a 1:03.0, a new "A" time, and wins the event. The coach and Bobby's
parents are very pleased with his performance. Bobby, however, is dejected
because he did not make his goal of breaking a minute.
Bobby's
parents, sitting in the bleachers, observe him speaking with his coach.
His mood does not noticeably change despite his coaches' congratulatory
gestures, smiling face, and reassuring words. Now Bobby is on his way up
into the bleachers to visit his parents. What's important to say to Bobby?
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First, attend first to Bobby's physical needs, "Are you warm enough?
Please put on your warm ups. Do you need something to drink?"
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Then, do not deny him the opportunity to express his disappointment and do not
minimize his feelings. You know it was a best time, and you know it was a
good race, but you will not be able to MAKE him feel better by contradicting his
feelings. Listen to him.
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Empathize with Bobby. Say, "I know how disappointed you must be."
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Allow Bobby to find the solution to his disappointment. "Why do you think
you didn't make your goal?" Bobby can respond to this question in one of
several different ways and your follow up will be based on that response.
It is hard to generalize a conversation here, but what is important to remember
is that through your questions and his responses, you want Bobby to realize that
while his goal for breaking a minute is a good goal, his timetable for breaking
a minute was too short and there are more things he needs to work on.
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Support Coach Anderson. Ask Bobby, "What did Coach Anderson say?"
"That sounds like a good idea, do you think you can do that?"
The
desired net result of the parent and athlete relationship in this type of goal
setting situation is that the athlete receives support for his feelings and he
comes to realize how to adjust his goal setting in order to be more successful
next time. With this result, you'll find your young swimmer better
equipped to establish his next set of goals with the knowledge that he has your
unconditional support.